Divorce?
Let’s look at divorce. Here are two people who, at one point in time, clearly loved each other. What could have gone wrong? Could it be that the two legally owned each other to death? One of the biggest reasons couples become divorced is because they stop courting or chasing after one another. They turn to arguing, fighting, drinking, cheating, and so many other crooked paths instead of the Salvation. They don’t send roses or write poetry, cook a good candle-lit meal, kiss the ear and whisper ‘I love you’, open the door for the other, or even do simple things like help with the dishes. The point here is, when you stop fighting for love, then hate will drag you down. When we stop pursuing the other, we are doomed to kill love. When we stop trying to make the other happy, we have begun to make them sad. Love dies when it stops growing; it stops growing when you stop tending to it. You cannot fall in or out of love. You can only grow in or out of love. You see, love, is not just something you feel, it is something you do.
Making God the center of your relationship and marriage allows you to work through any problem by turning to Him. What are some steps to take to regain what you once had? Remove all judgment, because the more you judge…the less time and ability you will have to love. Apologize, but keep in mind that admittance is not the same as repentance. Forgive everything every day. Love keeps no record of wrongs, so once you forgive the other, never reheat their sin for breakfast. Say ‘I love you’ when they are listening and when they are not. Keep some time apart, but much more time with your spouse to share your love together in private. Compliments resolve and compensations dissolve relationships. Never give a compliment and add a ‘but’. Go to the Maker of time and find a way for more time to be together. Do your best to make life less difficult for one another. Don’t try and meet in the middle, rather give 100% all of the time without looking for a ‘score’. Be the best mate you can be if you want to have/find one. Make plans for forever with this mate. Laugh together. Pray together. Also, remember, while it takes two to love, it will require some first steps by one. Pray!
There is a big celebration in the church when people get married, but divorce occurs in the shadows of a small courtroom. Some say divorce is a good thing, but if divorce is such a good thing why don’t people have the hearing in the church and invite all their friends and relatives?
It’s God’s job to change your mate if that is His desire. Women don’t need men to solve their problems; God gave them brains. They just need someone to listen. Men need time alone as well, but not too much time. We, men and women, have different needs and different desires. We must communicate these things with one another and act upon them…for if we don’t, we may already be divorced.
Some people think that living in the same house and having a marriage certificate makes them married. It does not. I’ve seen many people who claim to be married, but that is as far as they go. They do not live a marriage. There is no healthy communication, holding hands, sleeping in the same room, future planning, or prayer in their life together. People can say they are married, and can claim it all they wish, but it will not change the fact you may already be divorced. I can claim to be dark skinned but only have a light tan on my pale skin. My claim will never change the truth. Will you do something about it?
Another common cause for problems in a relationship is arguing and fighting. The ‘reasons’ given are, “I want to prove my point” or, “I want to win” and so I say again, we must give our spouse respect and allow them to make decisions on their own (unless your intervention is a matter of extreme importance) and friends, if we argue or fight to win, then we have turned our spouse into a competitor that we what to be beaten. Don’t turn to hate but rather prayer and loving discussion without raised voices or hate. Don’t wipe the score card clean…throw it away!
Whether divorce is done in a courtroom, or at home, it hurts everyone that will ever be involved in your life, from children to friends, even God. God’s plan is for two people to be married and have Him as the center of their home. And it does take two people committed to Christ to build a Godly relationship. Unfortunately, this doesn't always happen and divorce occurs. Choosing the right Godly wife or husband to begin with is the best way to avoid a divorce. Sadly, sometimes the sin is in the marriage and not the divorce.
According to Malachi 2:13-16, the Lord hates divorce. Divorce in order to marry someone else is a serious offense in the eyes of God. Those who treat marriage lightly and seek to divorce their mates are failing to learn the valuable purpose of marriage. Those who refuse to pay heed to the Bible teaching on marriage will have much for which to answer.
“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matthew 5:31) Unfaithfulness is sex with another before or after marriage. This previously unknown sin or, sin committed after marriage, is the only reason to get a divorce, and choice only since you don’t have to. Be honest with each other in the beginning and faithful to not only each other but also to Christ, and neither of you shall ever face the horrors of divorce.
Love eternal, lust infernal. Will there be problems in love? Yes. But while lust will treat it as a game, love will work through it and treat it as life. Never stop loving, even if it hurts. If it was, then it is, worth fixing. Don’t ever quit! Please read Proverbs 16:20 and 17:11, Song of Songs 1:2, Ecclesiastes 4:9-11, Mark 10:5-9, Ephesians 5:25 and 33, and James 1:19 right now.
Take a moment to think about your relationship with the Messiah. Do you still love Him? Does it show? Or have you divorced the Savior? (A note that has nothing to do with divorce but that I thought you might like, ‘Savior’ is synonymous with ‘Knight in shining armor’ …hmm, maybe it does have something to do with divorce after all.) Only God can give all the love you need. I pray for your lives with your friends, family, spouse, and especially that with the Messiah will never end in divorce. Keep these loves in your life so they do not fall from it. True love does not have a happy ending; true love does not have an ending.